These Are Me

. . . . . .

Dear DD. McDee,

Has being unemployed given you more time to work on yr art? Do you do cheap commissions? Much like yourself, I’m a recent college grad and I don’t have a lot of money, but I want to start collecting art. Like, if I gave you 5 dollars could you make me a 2x3 ft canvas painting of a woman’s foot in a stiletto, or would it have to be smaller at that price?

                                                                                           - Wisconsin

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Dear Wisconsin,

Most afternoons I find myself crying and eating cake alone while watching “What Not to Wear.” I was actually more productive when I was working at a pizza parlor with felons. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings, you know? I need a little routine to get the creative juices flowing properly. When I haven’t a working man’s schedule, my fingers ache for the cake fork and the remote! But everyone’s different.

I will gladly take commissions, but in the instance you suggest, the cost of materials would unfortunately exceed $5. Maybe for that price you’d be more interested in some performance art—you can’t take it with you, but the memory of the experience may last you a lifetime, or at least a couple months. If it’s feet you want, I could coat my soles in blackberry jam and squish them around in a pair of old stilettos for you, then you may do with them what you wish (the shoes, not my feet). Now that’s a bargain!

- D.D. McDee